strine swine flu

I called the Swine Flu hotline today but I couldn't get through... all I got was crackling.

How do you know if you have Swine Flu? You keep getting these rashers.

Doctor, Doctor. I think I have Swine Flu! Don't worry, just rub in this oinkment.

Doctor, Doctor. I've just eaten a bacon sandwich, am I going to die? Depends if the bacon was cured or not.

Doctor, Doctor. My daughter woke up this morning in pigtails. Should I be worried?

The British Government issued warnings of the importance of hand washing, cleaning and general hygiene. Special web sites have been set up to explain to the English what soap, water, washing, cleaning and hygiene are.