strine swine flu

I called the Swine Flu hotline today but I couldn't get through... all I got was crackling.

How do you know if you have Swine Flu? You keep getting these rashers.

Doctor, Doctor. I think I have Swine Flu! Don't worry, just rub in this oinkment.

Doctor, Doctor. I've just eaten a bacon sandwich, am I going to die? Depends if the bacon was cured or not.

Doctor, Doctor. My daughter woke up this morning in pigtails. Should I be worried?

The British Government issued warnings of the importance of hand washing, cleaning and general hygiene. Special web sites have been set up to explain to the English what soap, water, washing, cleaning and hygiene are.

drawings by one of the offspring

Falling Cats

There are more here

venceremos or whatever

30 something clothing sales person:

“Yeah the print .. it looks like that guy…… y’ know ..Che”

30 something customer: "Che? Who’s he again"?

Sales: “Um.. he’s famous”

Customer: “Oh”

Sales: “Yeah – he was a famous Russian ambassador .. or something”

the sartorialist is in melbourne

I'm sure you all know by now that the world's best street fashion blogger, Scott Schuman, is in Melbourne for fashion week or something. He's already been shooting and publishing around Chapel Street. Let's hope he doesn't restrict himself to TrakPran area. 

lucinda live melbourne

Something happens to country singer songwriters as the get older, more established and famous. For one their songwriting and singing gets more mature, assured and to some extent this results in simultaneously, but paradoxically, more risk taking and less need to be different. A fan can often get the freshness of new material and fresh approaches to old material and the artist can feel relaxed enough to do some cover versions of old standards well.

Another thing seems to happen. Singer / writers seem to want to get in front of a good old bar band and rock out, dropping all but the genetic country influence. Steve Earle. Great songs but last time I saw him it was simply too loud and too rocky with not enough light and shade and not enough slow songs. 

Lucinda Williams last night was a good concert. At times approaching very good but never reaching great. Lucinda herself said several times that the venue was great for sound and that several songs were the best live version they had ever played. I’ve no reason to doubt she was sincere.

But therein lies my problem. It was Lucinda rocking out with a very very good bar band. Too loud. At times her vocals seemed to bump the limits of the headroom on the amps and speakers and there was too much rock. Almost no twang. Sure there was a bit of pedal steel on a few songs but it was drowned under a wall of sound.

No mandolin, no banjo, no lap steel, no piano except for one minor tinkle, no accordion, no Hammond, no fiddle. No fun for me. I got hopeful at one time when the drummer/percussionist dude popped up with a Frottoir. But no luck no zydeco.

Lucinda seemed to be enjoying herself immensely with the band and I’m sure rocking out with a group of boys like Buick 6 is super relaxation for her or anyone. 

Sadly even the encore of about 6 songs were all mediocre covers of Fats Domino, Guitar Slim, a few others and weirdly The Faces, (Rod Stewart), Every Picture Tells a Story. Hell almost any other song of Rod’s album I would have enjoyed. She could toast up Maggie May, Tomorrow Is a Long Time, a Dylan song or Mandolin Wind. Just imagine what Lucinda’s voice could do to Reason to Believe.

Even sadder was their ending an all rock out version of Long Way to The Top. It almost works on the album but failed in concert last night. Geez Lou. You are in Australia. Everyone knows Long Way. Grannies, hipsters, nerds, little kids. We love it. But the backing goes Char-unka Dink, Chunk, Char-unka Dink, Chunk, Char-unka Dink, Chunk. Not the strange sound we heard last night. I, and most other people there last night, have heard a million better versions live.

I love Lucinda, she can proudly stand beside George Jones, Willie, Bob, Neil Young as a singer and a song writer. Last night was a good concert but disappointing. Lucinda please visit Kasey Chambers while you are here and may I even be so bold as to suggest you get her, her dad and brother to get you a backing band and do a few gigs. Show off your voice and lyrics. You’ll enjoy and we’ll enjoy it.

Update: Anne at Cat Politics seems to have much the same view as me.

I do disagree with Anne about Buick 6. I enjoyed their opening set as themselves. Intelligent guitar rock instrumentals almost orchestral at times, with a huge surf/ Dick Dale influence. I could see then drifting into Allman Brothers at times too. I’d buy the CD. Backing Lucinda they reminded me of Tom Petty and The Heartbreakers. Or more likely the time when Bob toured with the Heartbreakers as his band.

of droughts and flooding rains

I'm off to Mackay at 7 am tomorrow for a week.

"CYCLONE Hamish has become a category four storm as it tracks south towards Mackay and dumps rain on Innisfail, the weather bureau warns.

The tropical cyclone is just off the coast near Innisfail and has already dumped heavy rain over parts of the north Queensland coast. 

Queensland Premier Anna Bligh said Hamish could bring devastation similar to that of Cyclone Larry, which wreaked havoc on Innisfail in 2006, if it crossed the coast.

Disaster management groups in Cairns, Innisfail, Townsville, Mackay, Rockhampton and Gladstone were activated and sandbags were being filled in Cairns after Premier Anna Bligh and Emergency Services Minister Neil Roberts were briefed."

And I was wondering what sort of coffee and bookshops there were.

checkup

Should I see the doctor or my favourite nurse....

Man, he's got me on milk, cream and alcohol..

blossom dearie

I dig
I'm in step
When it was hip to be hep, I was hep
I don't blow but I'm a fan
Look at me swing
Ring a ding ding
I even call my girlfriend man
I'm so hip


One of my biggest regrets, and I have a few, too many to mention, was not going to see Blossom Dearie when she was here in Melbourne not all that many years ago. My conscious and unconscious pre-occupation with last week's heat, flame, darkness and destruction, means I've only just learnt she died on February 7, 2009.

When I first heard her voice I thought that's a very smart, clever, hip, piano playing pixie. I was right.

I've picked this youtube clip because although it's longish it does contain some typical songs. Unfortunately the sound and vision are disconcertingly out of synch a bit. But it does sound great. I'm Hip is at around 6.40 into the clip.

Blossom Dearie live clip on youtube - 9 mins.  (This clip can't be embedded. You'll have to click through) 

Update: Another reason she's great. From NY Times: 

"Ms. Dearie didn’t suffer fools gladly and was unafraid to voice her disdain for music she didn’t like; the songs of Andrew Lloyd Webber were a particular pet peeve."

thursday feb 5

Leonard Cohen, 2009-02-05 (Thursday, February 5, 2009) 8:15pm AEDT, Rod Laver Arena, Melbourne, Victoria, Australia

set 1
01. Dance Me To The End Of Love
02. The Future
03. Ain't No Cure For Love
04. Bird On The Wire
05. Everybody Knows
06. In My Secret Life
07. Who By Fire
08. Chelsea Hotel #2
09. Hey, That's No Way To Say Goodbye
10. Sisters Of Mercy
11. Anthem

set 2
12. Tower Of Song
13. Suzanne
14. The Gypsy's Wife
15. The Partisan
16. Boogie Street
17. Hallelujah
18. I'm Your Man
19. A Thousand Kisses Deep [recitation]
20. Take This Waltz

encore 1
21. So Long, Marianne
22. First We Take Manhattan

encore 2
23. Famous Blue Raincoat
24. If It Be Your Will
25. Democracy

encore 3

26. I Tried To Leave You

27. Whither Thou Goest

Amazing gathering of all crew, stage roadies, lighting etc arms around each other singing humming while Mr Cohen thanked crew, audience, Australia everyone and everything. Went on forever.

pre lenny

If I was using twitter I'd be saying " off to see lenny tonight". I wouldn't write "woot".

Its a good job I remembered the tickets were electronic and have printed them out after looking for them for 20 minutes. It's also a good idea that I looked up to see it starts at 7.15 pm, yes 7 bloody 15, not 8.00pm or 8.30pm . So I'm cancelling that meal and meetup at the Corner Hotel before the show for 14. I'll be at the Corner though to eat something.

Anyway to keep you busy here is an great interview with the man that not "everybody knows" about:

"Norwegian producer Kari Hesthamar, Cohen looks back over his life and shares some thoughts about earlier days. Along the way he considers the different paths his career has taken, talks about various creative projects he was (and still is) involved with, and sweetly reminisces about a beautiful young woman he shared some time with on a wild Greek island, whom loyal fans will know by the name "Marianne."

We'll also hear a brief excerpt from an interview Leonard Cohen gave to Robyn Johnston in 1985, when he last toured Australia.

Radio National Interview with Mr C.

modern times

In November 2008 I purchased a cheap,  $87 on special, colour inkjet printer to work off a computer in another room for convenience. Last week it ran out of ink. Today I found out it will cost $120 to replace all 4 cartridges.

This caused me to say a rude word out loud in the shop.

The nice lady said "Yes I agree".

She then said "We have this clearance printer on sale for $50 including full size cartridges"

I now have another new printer.

wild & crazy banjo

Steve Martin has released his first all music album. It's called The Crow: New Songs for the Five-String Banjo. Steve wrote most of the 15 tracks. It was produced by John McEuen, known for his playing in the Nitty Gritty Dirt Band. Other pluckers or warblers of note on the album are Earl Scruggs, Mary Black, Tim O'Brien, Vince Gill, Dolly Parton, Tony Trischka and Pete Wernick.

Apparently it's exclusive to Amazon for 90 days. You can get the MP3s off Amazon for 99 cents each [only available for purchase in USA] but then you'd miss out on the 24-page colour booklet, with Steve writing about each song and his lifelong love affair with the banjo.

Amazon has kindly made the first track on the album, Daddy Played the Banjo free for download as an MP3.   

Worth a read is the lengthy but solid article and interview with Steve by Nancy Cardwell at bluegrasssnow.

Here's Steve with Tony Trischka and Bela Fleck playing The Crow on Letterman. 

dopple or ganger?

FXcuisine.com

Who I am?My name is François-Xavier (FX) and I am a French-speaking Swiss man living on the shores of Lake Geneva, an hour from France and Italy. I also speak Italian, German, Spanish, Russian and - obviously - English.

What do I do?
I do not cook for a living nor did I ever study cooking outside my home and a few 3-hours classes. My professional background is in finance/law and I deal with international clients. If you think that to cook is unbecoming a professional, this is not the right website for you. 

Why this website?
I am passionate about gastronomy and cooking and created this website to share my adventures with Internet users the world over.

What will you find here?
I publish two articles every week about spectacular, intriguing or very tasty recipes that worked for me. I don't report about the many failed recipes or uninteresting visits or bad restaurants I visited unless they are especially entertaining. Most dishes I cook and photograph never make it to here.

penis all day stretcher

MyNewSize specializes in cosmetic penis enlargement surgery (phalloplasty). Utilizing state-of-the-art facilities and the leading phalloplasty surgeon, men can be confident they are receiving the best surgical outcomes available. MyNewSize is owned and operated by former penis enlargement surgery patients, giving us the unique opportunity to structure the company around the patient experience.

Or if surgery seems a bit icky and permanent:

MyNewSize™ Penis Enlargement Equipment is molded from durable polycarbonate material and is available in several sizes. Accurately fitted, the device attaches around the (head portion)/upper shaft of the penis, implementing a dependable and easy method to connect the vacuum system.

Max-\/ac Penis Enlargement Equipment is versatile, able to function as a Penis Weight Hanger and a Penis All Day Stretcher (ADS). MyNewSize’s Penis Enlargement Equipment grips securely and allows for incredible weight tolerances to be safely suspended from the penis in a relaxed and comfortable way.

Used as a Penis Weight Hanger, heavy weights cause microscopic tears in the suspensory ligament. As healing occurs, new cells fill in the microscopic tears adding massive length capabilities of the penis.

Used as a Penis All Day Stretcher (ADS), the penis benefits from continual light traction, assigning the body to produce new cells, resulting in rapid permanent length gains.

vaginal rejuvenation

"The procedure" we're talking about is something called laser vaginal rejuvenation, or LVR. It is performed, surprisingly enough, at the Laser Vaginal Rejuvenation Institute of Los Angeles, which claims to have pioneered the technique, and which describes it as:
"...a one-hour outpatient surgical procedure designed to enhance sexual gratification. According to Master [sic] and Johnson,* sexual gratification is directly related to the amount of frictional forces generated. We can accomplish this with LVR.... LVR will effectively enhance vaginal muscle tone, strength, and control. It will also effectively decrease the internal and external vaginal diameters as well as build up and strengthen the perineal body."
Observing that "no one wants to age or lose optimal function anywhere," the Institute goes on to inform us that the procedure is intended for women "who for whatever reason lack an overall optimum architectural integrity of the vagina."

====== We shall now pause for a moment to allow female readers to check the architectural integrity of their vaginas. ======

Lifted from SHAMblog. Read more...

Yes there is a before and after pic gallery at LVR site, appropriately in Flash. Depending on where you work it may not be a good idea to madly open the gallery on fullscreen view.

before i die

Things to do before I die:
#37 Flirt with Romona and make her laugh. [While being interviewed at a writers festival]

offspring evelyn jan 10

on the road again

Today, Boxing Day , we head down the road to Apollo Bay and the Otways. We'll stop at Werribee Park and have a lunch and possibly do a tour of the Open Range Zoo. Then on across the boring basalt plains to Geelong, city of hope, where we will visit a relative and then with the 3 hip Taiwanese lesbians self identified queer guests we will scandalise invade pick up our food supplies at an ordinary supermarket. Hopefully the carsick one won't feel the need to stop every 10 ks and we should make the Bay by nightfall without incident. Argueing over air con and music choice in either Mandarin or English will not be granted incident status. We all agree we can listen to Johnny Cash, Leonard Cohen and Nick Cave. So far so good.

The next 4 days look to be around 20c - 23c at the Bay - good for me - not so for the heat lovers and swimmers.

Televisual delights

I'm hoping for a bit of chillin' tv. If I can get decent reception, always a gamble at the bay, I'll be trying to grab the couch for these programs:

Fri Dec 26 - ABC1 Kylie Kwong China - 8 pm, maybe Miss Marple after that or more likely on SBS at 8.30pm is the doco - The Night James Brown Saved Boston . Later at 10.10 on ABC2 is soundtrack: Wet Wet,Wet followed by Rock Profile of Oasis.

Sat 27 - Iron Chef and Rock Kwiz on a lean night.

Sun 28 - Chan 7 - 1.45 - West Side Story, 7.30pm - Seven Wonders of Industrial World - Bell Rock Lighthouse - I've seen it before but it's a beauty, 7.30 on SBS Lost Worlds - Germanic Tribes followeed by Foolproof Equations for a Perfect Life - about the Brain. ABC2 ALL DAY is running great music - 7 am, Meatloaf, 7.25 Genesis, 8.25 Lou Reed, liver at Montreaux, John Lennon Live NYC,

10.20 Newport Folk Festival 1963 - 66 - yes the one where Bob was said to have been booed and unplugged.

Mon 29 Dec - 9.30 Crime Investigation - John Wayne Glover the North Shore Granny Killer.or on ABC1 @ 10.55 The Mafia - or Red Dwarf on ABC2

Tues 30 - 7.30 SBS The Doctor Who Makes People Walk again, Doco, then Return of the Bible Plagues, followed by Hot Docs - Respect Yourself - The Stax Story - or flip over to Rush Hour with Jackie Chan on ch 7 or Fr Ted at 8 on ABC2 followed by Hamish McBeth

Wed 31 NYE - won't miss Dinner For One on SBS @ 7.30 a 20 minute delight I always enjoy and then simply because I'm a wild party guy - Can't Stop The Music - Village People on 9 at 12.15

Reading:
On food and cooking : the science and lore of the kitchen  McGee
Little black book of stories A S Byatt
A question of upbringing   Anthony Powell - first of the series of 7 called A dance to the music of time
A writer's people : ways of looking and feeling  V S Naipaul
 Reading & writing  : a personal account V S Naipaul
Sir Vidia's shadow [text] : a fascinating memoir of Theroux's friendship with V.S. Naipaul
India [text] : a wounded civilization V.S. Naipaul
Four days in November : the assassination of President John F. Kennedy Vincent Bugliosi.
Where flavor was born : recipes and culinary travels along the Indian Ocean spice route by Andreas
Viestad
The cellist of Sarajevo  - Steven Galloway
The Irish story [text] : telling tales and making it up in Ireland / R.F. Foster
Modern Ireland, 1600-1972 / R.F. Foster.
Cultural amnesia : notes in the margin of my time / Clive James.
Modern Indian cooking : the next generation of Indian cooking / [Hari Nayak and Vikas Khanna
Beyond belief [text] : Islamic excursions among the converted peoples / V.S. Naipaul

Will also be searching for the perfect fish n chips at the bay and trying to buy fresh fish to cook - used to be impossible.

Best Wishes for the season, Drive safely - that stupid old prick you want to run over might just be me.

12 days of christmas

Frank Kelly plays Fr Jack in Fr Ted

motor industry