Monday, August 30, 2004

elvis quotient - on watch

The election is now formally on. Formerly it was informally on.

My monitoring of the underbelly will be through "Sheilsey", "Queequeg" and "The Priest" Parish. They will be my main weekly big shop, the supermarket of the Broadway and Off-Broadway.

I'll expect and rely on them to provide a reasonably healthy diet of nutritious angles plus the dubious thrill of reading the feverish comments pecked out by the camp followers with grubby nail bitten fingers on greasy food filled keyboards from the great sweating partially washed with their bloodshot eyes and waxy ears and bed hair and the spewed up heartburn reflux of midnight rants oozing out of the dimly lit fetid bedrooms and the detritus strewn studies of long suffering surfers of suffrage in ozonline.

For my Off-Off-Broadway I'll trawl around the sidestreets and then, as is my want, down the back alleys and garbage lanes of Blogstralia looking for the different, nice, unusual to link to.

Me? I'll stick to looking for the only thing that should influence voting. The only evidence that matters. The Elvis quotient of the candidates.

We all know what it means.

Howard has none. Latham has some. I can't see any in the Libs at all. Bob Brown looks like the sort of guy who can't dance and would wear a bright pale yellow finely knitted v necked jumper for smart casual. No Elvis quotient there. Julia Gillard has got enough Elvis for a duet. There's buggerall Elvis in the Dems now that whatsisname the ex goth boy is off the slops.

Keep tuned for any sightings of Elvisness. Comments and tips welcome.